Preserve our ASAM Department!

Hey folks. I know I haven't blogged in a while, and I'm terribly sorry about that. Something prevalent has come to my attention though and I need to spread the word, so heads up. Y'all know I'm not one to ask for a favor too often, but I'm asking for a favor now.




What’s going on with Asian American Studies at CSU Fullerton?

Here’s the short story.

The Asian American Studies Program (ASAM) at Cal State Fullerton (CSUF) may be cut this summer from 5.0 Full-time Equivalent Faculty (FTEF) in its budget to 4.0 FTEF for 2009-10. We don’t want this to happen because it means that our faculty will have to teach classes for other departments and not for Asian American Studies. Please help us to keep 5.0 FTEF in ASAM at CSUF by:

1) enrolling in ASAM classes in Fall 2009 and Spring 2010 (during Titan I, July 7-27) and/or
2) sending an email of support so that we can collect 500 letters for 5.0 Faculty in 5 days!

Your letter will help us to show that you value Asian American Studies and feel more satisfied with your education at CSUF because of the critical thinking skills and leadership development you learn through Asian American Studies.





Here’s the long story.

Background: CSUF is a University comprised of eight Colleges in its Division of Academic Affairs: Arts; Humanities & Social Sciences; Natural Sciences & Mathematics; Communications; Business & Economics; Engineering & Computer Science; Health & Human Development; and Education. The budget allocated to each College is determined by a number of factors, including the number of students that each College enrolls in previous years. The University’s Office of Academic Affairs sets the targeted number of Full-time Equivalent Students (FTES) that each College is supposed to teach in order to merit the College budget allocation. The College of Humanities & Social Sciences houses 21 academic departments and programs, including a modest-sized Asian American Studies Program within Ethnic Studies.

In 2006-07, the College of Humanities & Social Sciences decided to invest in the Asian American Studies (ASAM) Program at Cal State Fullerton by hiring two faculty members, bringing the total number of full-time, tenure-track faculty members to five (5.0 FTEF). Since Fall 2007, the enrollment in the program’s classes dipped because some of the faculty took family, medical, and research leaves. During this time away from teaching, the ASAM Program was not able to hire other part-time faculty to replace the classes that the tenure-track faculty were supposed to teach. Hiring replacement lecturers is common practice within the College and across the University. However, because of budget cuts by the Division of Academic Affairs, this money for ASAM’s replacement faculty was taken away and used instead to hire part-time faculty for non-ASAM departments whose courses had higher enrollments.

ASAM’s inability to offer replacement sections has become an issue because the number of students who enroll in classes helps determine the program budget for the following year. If one were only to look at the numbers of students enrolled in ASAM classes from 2007-08 and 2008-09, one might conclude that the ASAM program did not reach its enrollment targets. However, the numbers of enrolled students don’t tell the whole story because ASAM could not offer its full number of courses that it needed to reach enrollment targets.

Losing one faculty line (1.0 FTEF, or a 20% cut) in the ASAM program budget does not mean that any of the ASAM faculty will be laid off this year. It does mean that some ASAM faculty would be required to teach classes for other departments, and these classes may be unrelated to Asian American Studies. With fewer ASAM courses offered, fewer students will be able to enroll in and benefit from ASAM courses. This also means that, in future years, ASAM may not be able to afford its Full-time Equivalent Faculty because its student enrollment will decrease. Ultimately, this weakens the ASAM program, as reduced faculty leads to reduced courses, which leads to reduced enrollments, which leads to reduced budget allocations, and so on.

For these reasons, we ask for your help to keep the 5.0 FTEF in our ASAM budget in two ways:

1) Enroll in ASAM classes in Fall 2009 and Spring 2010 (during Titan I, July 7-27) and/or
2) Send an email of support so that we can collect 500 letters for 5.0 Faculty in 5 days!

Your letter will help us to show that you value Asian American Studies and feel more satisfied with your education at CSUF because of the critical thinking skills and leadership development you learn through Asian American Studies.



PLEASE HELP ME OUTTTT!

Please Marry Me

Scarlett Johansson. You are beautiful.


I just came back from watching He's Just Not That Into You which is a really good movie; I highly recommend it.

It posed a very interesting concept in regards to dating and relationships. This idea that we all hear stories about people who set exceptions to the norm. "Well my friend dated this guy that.." And we hear them all the time, but rarely are we, or do we, experience this exception. Yet we hold on to the hopes that perhaps this one time will indeed be that exception.

But will it? Do we continue to fuel ambiguous hopes because we're afraid of failure? Some people argue that positive self vision leads to positive outcomes. Thats what the infamous book "The Secret" is all about, right? I think thats an interesting book.. A Philosophy book in the disguise of a self-help book in the disguise of a fiction.

But I digress, as always. So is it good to be positive, to assert that we're sure we are the exceptions? That our friends will one day be referencing stories of us and our intimate partners in the context of "well my friend wasn't attracted to her boyfriend at first..." or something of that nature.


Or on the converse, should we realize that in all honesty, we have slim chances of being this highly sought after chance of being the exception? Of course I'd like to have a love that people write books or make movies out of. Some cute ass little story of how i met her goin' for the same Al Green record or something like that. But maybe I should realize that in all actuality, I'm going to go through a lot of people before I end up with someone that can put up with me. And shit, theres a possibility I may not end up with anyone right? What if I get caught between Jennifer Connely and Scarlett Johansson? Thats a hard ass decision.

Ok ok, so I know i'd never get to choose between the likes of them. But is it ok to be convinced that I'm the exception, and wait for that day to come?


While you ponder everything, I'll leave you with some pictures of Scarlett Johansson (:













gah. she's beautiful.

You can't fake the funk.

I was talking about relationships and such, and a friend told me the most blatantly obvious, yet most eye-opening thing I've heard in awhile..

"Well, i guess you can't fake chemistry."

That is indeed the bottom line I suppose.




And then I found this Chemistry.com thing which is kinda like the Meyers-Briggs test I suppose, but in regards to intimate/romantic settings.

Hideki..., you are a

You are a highly spontaneous, inquisitive and energetic person who always likes to try new things. You find novel and unpredictable situations challenging and exciting. You particularly like discussing big ideas and having conversations about complex social, political or intellectual puzzles. And you are able to juggle a lot of projects at the same time; as a result you are sometimes a whirlwind of activity.

You have a firm grip on reality and enjoy living in the present tense. But you have a keen imagination that enables you to lift off from reality to be remarkably creative.

You are humorous. You are able to laugh at yourself. And you are agreeable, adaptable and changeable. You impose few limits on others and have little tolerance for fixed rules, schedules or traditions.

You have a deep sense of compassion. You can show genuine insight into the needs of others; you are good at listening, talking and compromising; and you express a genuine desire to be helpful to others and to the world at large.

• Novelty seeking
• Impulsive and spontaneous
• Curious
• Creative
• Flexible
• Open-minded
• Energetic

• Sees the big picture
• Imaginative
• Intuitive
• Verbal skills
• Empathetic
• Trusting
• Introspective

As an Explorer you like knowledge, adventure and the pleasures of the senses, and you are drawn to those who are enthusiastic, curious, creative and energetic-people like yourself. Sex is important to you, too. As a Negotiator, you have a big heart; you are flexible and sensitive to the feelings of others and you are driven to seek harmony in your social life. So you avoid conflict, as well as people who compete with you. You also avoid those who structure your time and block things from happening spontaneously. And you can feel pressured by other's needs. So you are attracted to individuals who share your "live and let live" attitude. Money is secondary to you, so you also respect individuals who can part with theirs, particularly when spending leads to adventure or improves the world. And you are drawn to people who are direct, decisive and tough minded to balance out your flexible, spontaneous, intuitive style.

You are charismatic, agreeable and adaptable and you can adapt to just about any social situation, convincing others you are just like them. And with your flexibility, liberal attitude and lack of prejudice, you can find something interesting in just about anyone. But when your interest wanes, you depart; you cannot tolerate boredom.

• You are so mentally flexible and spontaneous that you can appear indecisive and unpredictable.
• Don't be impatient with cautious people or those with more rigid views of morality.
• Focus on one thing at a time.

Ohhh Chemistry.com, you know me so well!




SHANK!

150 Love Letters You Were Never Meant To See

Thank you, I hate you, I'm sorry

Thank you
because without your support, I wouldn't be here
I wouldn't have stayed when things got hard
I wouldn't have believed that I could find a life.
Thank you for the way you know me,
for being my best friend for what feels like forever,
and for raising the bar so high that I don't know where to begin.
Thank you for knowing to let go before things got ugly.
On some level, you must've known that forcing me to fly
would force you to fly too, to do the things you know you need.
And maybe you even share the belief that our paths
will join us together again, and for always.

I hate you
for not wanting it badly enough,
for not believing we could do this together,
for not following through.
I hate that you didn't have the balls to take a chance,
to explore this place that's filled with your dreams.
I hate that you don't even seem to be doing
the things that made you stay.
I hate the way you tell me how you feel almost always hurts,
and that most of the time you just don't tell me at all.
I hate that you are the only girl I can imagine loving,
and you make letting go seem so easy,
like it doesn't hurt at all,
like you don't ever cry.

I'm sorry
I left the way I did,
because of what i said to you:
that I would always expect you to follow.
I'm sorry I didn't see it like that.
I thought paving the way would create
an adventure that would change our lives.
I'm sorry I didn't wait until you were ready,
that I didn't think I could, so the decision didn't feel like yours.
I'm sorry that it seemed like your opinion wasn't important,
when nothing could be farther from the truth.
I'm sorry that I doubted our future, and made you doubt it too.
I didn't know well enough myself to tell you
all the things that needed to change, and why.
We both thought we'd have more time, and then I left.
I'll always be sorry for that.

(yeah Shank, I copied you :] )

I make booty calls sound like sonnets

I came across this spoken word performance entitled "7 reasons not to date a poet". I thought it was pretty damn hilarious, being a poet myself. Don't judge me, but enjoy (:

DAMMIT! THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR NOT BLOGGING IN SO LONG

An hour later, i have the urge to blog again. I feel safer blogging what i'm feeling instead of telling someone, and this blog will explain exactly why.


So... I've had maybe 6 best friends from high school to the present. Some people prefer not to designate one best friend or whatever, spare me your preference and hear me out. Every best friend I've had has left me. Whether it be because of indifference, relationships, or straying away (i don't know how you stray away from a bestfriend), they've all left me in one way or another. I hope this doesn't sound presumptuous, but i don't think its been me thats strayed away. My friends are family to me, and i do everything i can to be good to them..

Now as of late, I've been extremely reluctant to call anyone my best friend. A concept I've tried to keep in mind is that not everyone has the same notions of friendship and life as I do, but sometimes its hard. You're in a mutual relationship in which one would expect equal reciprocation of effort and personal investment right? Well I've learned that to be wrong. And if that sounds weird to you, well, that was my understanding of what a friendship was.


And I think now, i'm hesitant to talk to people about my problems... Because i'm afraid to make personal investments in them, knowing that i'm very susceptible to being walked away from.. I'm hesitant to call anyone my bestfriend for that same reason. Regardless, I still care about certain friends more than others (fact of life, sorry.) and because of that when i see signs of them possibly straying away i get scared. Blame my low self esteem/self concept, blame my inferiority complex, whatever it is, it happens. So a look into my life, this is how I am. Love me or leave me. But if you choose to love me, please love me in full.


I used to think my parents didn't understand me. I am the black sheep of my family. I'm just different. But as I grow older, i'm slowly learning that they know me better than I think. Sometimes I'll bawl my heart out, laying in bed in my room. And my mom will just sit there with me, and she'll keep asking me to talk to her. And i won't. She'll ask me twenty times, and finally i'll be ready to talk, and she'll be there to listen.. And for that, I am eternally thankful..


I hide my feelings because of fear, but I really do want someone to listen.. I just need a different kind of care, I suppose.

How I've missed your embrace..

Oh blog, why do I always forget about you :/ I promise I love you, life just gets crazy sometimes.

Despite a fear of sounding uninterestingly familiar, I am coming back to my blog. This is where I talk about my emotions and daily interesting happenings, but I feel like they've all become the same. Recycled memories, same shit in a new stall. Then again, maybe thats why y'all love me? :]


So.. In the past 2 and a half months, I have.. Started a second job with the city of diamond bar, dated a girl, un-dated by a girl, gotten my geek on and watched a lot of anime, seen my brother who lives in Japan, started a new year, had Wii Fit tell me I'm obese, and celebrated numerous birthdays.

I'll try and update more. I want to be more helpful. I want to share experiences and insight, I'm a creative soul longing to leave my mark in this world before I die.



So at work (sushi restaurant) I have this asian lady come in with two daughters. One must have been 4 or 5, and the other 2 or 3. She looked like a single mom, although i'm not sure, and she had a speech impediment. I'm not sure, but she sounded like she might have been partially deaf or something. Anyway, I couldn't understand her well despite trying my hardest, and when she asked for a spoon and I didn't understand, her daughter told me "she wants a spoon." As she went on with her dinner, I saw her trying to feed her younger daughter while being attentive to the older one, and I could see the frustration in her face.

And I wondered.. what must it be like, to struggle to care for two daughters as a single parent. I'm sure she's greatful for the two beautiful girls she has, but i wondered if she resented them sometimes. And what would it feel like to have conflicting emotions like that. And I wondered if I would be a good dad. Or what if I had to raise my kids on my own? Would I be any good?

Although these questions are highly premature seeing as though I can't even seem to hold down a girlfriend, let alone a wife to have children with.


I think this is long enough :P

Goodnight blogworld.

Too Late to Apologize?

I hope not. Although this comes almost a month after my previous post, I apologize for my rashness and offensiveness of what I said. I know religion is important to many, and that everyone is allowed to have their own beliefs. But a majority of California voted to deny someone civil rights on Nov4 and it just killed me.


Ok, so the other day I was at this benefit art show/open mic for the Filipino Club @ my school (PASA) and homeboy brings his coworker to the show after they get off. So coworker (i forget her name) is hispanic or of some Chicana decent, and she comments "There's so many Filipinos here."

And I say to her, I'm not Filipino. And her response. The international symbol for a Chinaman. The Ching Chong eye slant. And perplexed, I say "whats that supposed to mean?" to which she replies "You all look the same."


You All Look The Same. Just like that. All of a sudden my identity is homogenous to millions of other asians. Ignant people just get me sometimes.

If God is so Great

Why does He discriminate against the LGBT community?

I have my issues with Christianity and Catholicism. The thing about it though, is you can't argue with devout Christians and Catholics against them because they're reasoning for everything is "because God yadda yadda". It's like arguing with someone who always says "Why?" You don't get anywhere.

Granted I have some great friends who are open minded, but for the most part, it would seem that people are inexcusably stubborn when it comes to religion. And its FRUSTRATING.

However, its times like these that I am grateful to be Buddhist. I have explanations for my beliefs, other than that it is the will of an almighty someone. Let the argumentation begin.

ayyye.

and thus cycles in another unruly period of malinspiration (yes i made that word up) and mundane same olds. And just as i say that, I think I really have just been too busy trying to keep busy.

Then, i guess that makes me successful in my intent, but do I really succeed? I think this LA/SoCal lifestyle makes us think we gotta do somethin'. We gotta get out and breathe as if it were to be our last.

But oh, how pleasant a day at home is. With a book or the fam, some lovely scenario and nice weather.


So I was talking about my life in general with a homegirl a couple weeks back, and she said one of the most insightful things I have heard in a while. Upon telling her what has seemed like to be social unrest and and a failing love life, she said "maybe.. you're just in the wrong place...."

Which left me confused. Girl I was born in raised in LA county, wuchu reefin' on? And she suggested that maybe I was meant to be somewhere else. Which left me conflicted. Cause I've always felt like I had somewhere else to conquer. Sometimes I felt like I didn't belong, like my heart was elsewhere.

But, I have such good friends. I love the people I'm around, and my family is here. So now I'm at this conundrum, thinking if I should be applying to jobs out-of-state and I really just don't know..

I would hate to think that my potential is sitting on the couch watchin' Family Guy all day, and it won't go get up and play with the other kids in the neighborhood cause I don't push him to...



On a lighter note. I went to a halloween party last night with some Peter, Darren, Dru, and Jaime. And I have this dope costume which i will refrain from revealing until i get pictures. But it involves painting one eye black. So I'm straight up usin' acrylic paint to paint around my eye, and my sister says "Hold on, i'll get some mascara for you."

So she goes to get the mascara and puts it down and runs off again. So what do I do? I start to put it on my eyelashes hahahahhahaha! And then she comes back and busts up and tells me i was supposed to rub it under my eye to complete the black or whatever.

How was I supposed to know what she was thinking? I know what mascara is for, she told me to use it; A+B=C holmes! But that was pretty funny.. :P

This is Ron Burgandy signing off; go fuck yourself San Diego.

A sad day in history..

Mother's Cookies, known for the infamous frosting and sprinkle coated circus animal cookies, has filed for bankruptcy ):

http://www. sfgate. com/cgi-bin/article. cgi?f=/c/a/2008/10/09/BU6413DQQO. DTL


Definately a sad day in history. First polaroid film, now circus animals.. what next? pogs?! please don't take away pogs!


What? they're already gone?

warm (not so) summer nights

First, listen to Jill Scott - Spring Summer Feeling. Then come back and read my blog. Or do it concurrently.

"Feelin' the way I do,
Its hard to keep focus.
One minute, staring at the moon
Next into your eyes.
Its no surprise, mmm, that my knees weaken
At the lovely words ya speakin'."


These warm summer nights remind me of a better time. A time when I didn't feel like everyday was a constant trial to see if I was committed to living life to the fullest. Nights like these remind me of... big chillin' with friends in front of the house till 4am. And nights spent out in the hills overlooking the city with a cup of Earl Grey and someone to share a conversation with. Jungle gyms at parks after hours.

I'm feeling better little by little. Babysteps each day. I still have yet to discover what this seemingly rehab-esque recovery is from. I think one of the most frustrating feelings is not knowing what ails you. It's right above sore triceps and not being ble to sneeze...

I think life in general is harder nowadays. There are so many social determining factors that comprise the standards that we attribute to a good quality of life. And with inflations and econonmic declines as of late, I fear the peril that will pursue the attainment of my college degree. Upon some real examination of our lives, I think you might realize we're sheltered. The belief is you go to college, attain a degree, and you enter the job market. But with how our economy is, there are definately no guarantees.

My Pops manages a warehouse in Ontario. He had to lay off more people this past month than in all 8 years he's been working there. Makes one think and partially fear who's next..

Reminder

Something I take for granted is the splendid view I have from my backyard. Today's sunset is beautiful. The warm amber sky is a reminder to me... A reminder that I'm still alive. I've been so numb lately, and then being in the presence of something so simply beatiful has reminded me... That I'm still alive.


But it's more then just literally alive. So many people are caught up on working horrible jobs that pay money, or rushing to get out of school into the "real world" where they work hard for little remuneration. All the while, they've sped past the best years of their lives only to find theres no turning back? Are you really living, if you're not living life to the fullest?

An interesting quote I read..

"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."

-St. Agustine


In class. Probably go into this later..

edit




I feel numb as of late. Hours and days drone on as if I'm waiting for something special to happen. I feel like I'm dissonant from myself, like my soul is standing behind me while my body acts in a lethargic state.

Uncertainty has been creeping up on me. My plan was always undergrad, grad, work. Now that I've put grad school on hold, I don't know where I should work, or even if I'll get work for that matter. I'm so indecisive about life...

I could be a great chef or journalist or food critic. I think I could have been great at art and photography too. I could be a great businessman. And I think I have an equal opportunity at succeeding at all. Did I pick the right profession?

The only thing I'm decisive about is the fact that I'm indecisive. Or am I.

Hm.

Thats pretty much all i can say to this.. "Hm." I dont even feel like analyzing it, along with my life. For once, I'm really just taking something at face value and enjoying it for what it is. WEIRD.




Like seriously? Was this person watching over my life?
I've gone through the first two loves.. Now I guess I have to wait on my 3rd.

You know what I miss?

How in high school, you could have those conversations till like 2 or 3 in the AM. And it was so exciting. Emotions fluttering in your stomach. Laying in bed listening to TLC or NSYNC while talkin' to that girl. And you woke up tired as fuck the next day, but it was cool cause you enjoyed the night.

Now you stay up late doing homework (not me though), or worrying about life. No one has the leisure of talking till the wee hours of the morning cause we have work or class. Life becomes hard out of nowhere, and we're submerged into adulthood without floaties. Sink or swim. Sink or swim. Sink or swim.....

I was thinking about the ideal age. I think its 6. Cause girls had cooties, you played kickball during recess with the boys, the girls did twirlsies on those bars, and at the end of the day the only thing you worried about was what toy was coming with your happy meal, and what video game you wanted to play for your hour of free time.

Now girls don't have cooties, they have our hearts, we're too mature for recess, and at the end of the day we worry about how we're going to get through the rest of the week, and whether or not we'll get an hour of free time at all.

(insert artsy picture here)

All my shit is on my laptop, which is currently out of commission.. Hopefully not indefinately :/

Comments are nice though (: eh? ehhh?

Good Help

Is hard to come across -__-

rebel S0ULJAH (2:24:52 AM): what should i blog about.
KeithSAMS0N (2:24:58 AM): potatoes
rebel S0ULJAH (2:25:02 AM): ...
KeithSAMS0N (2:25:09 AM): I dunno, first thing that popped in my head
KeithSAMS0N (2:25:54 AM): which is pretty random because there's nothing around me that would make me think of potatoes
rebel S0ULJAH (2:26:07 AM): im blogging about you.
KeithSAMS0N (2:26:43 AM): really?
KeithSAMS0N (2:26:46 AM): that's a gay subject
rebel S0ULJAH (2:26:53 AM): literally

What a night of random.

rachelmasocol (2:29:40 AM): you are a natural intellectual (about relationships)

eh?

So, like an idiot. I failed to zip up my laptop pocket on my backpack and upon putting it on, i managed to throw the laptop out the backpack. And now Maxine won't boot ): I've never backed her up, so if I lose all my shit... OMG :/

What idiot drops an effing laptop? Honestly!

I know I'm the type to always have a smile on my face, but I think I'm allowed to be down sometimes too. Pleaaaase don't tell me to stop being sad. Just be there. When I've processed everything and I'm ready to stop being sad, I will. Thanks (:

Critical life decisions to make... Ohh the pressure.

From the very first time

I placed my eyes on you girl
My heart said "follow through"

But I know now that
I'm Way down your line
But the waiting here is fine.

So don't treat me like
A puppet on a string
Cause I know how to do my thing

Don't talk to me as
If you think I'm dumb
I wanna know
When you're gonna come


I don't wanna wait in vain for your love..

Cold Sheets

Lately.. My bed feels so empty. Granted I'm the only person that sleeps in it. But, I dunno.. I just feel like I miss having someone in my arms. Even though its been a while since I've had someone in my arms hahah. I dont know how to explain this.. Bah.





Adieu.

Chasing Pavements..

Sorry about my unannounced hiatus everyone. Todays topic is chasing pavements. A wonderful song from UK's Adele, which i've interpreted to be a song about the infamous question of "should I continue to pursue that someone even if it feels like its futile?"

Chasing pavements.. clever. Pursuing a path thats physically concrete, but emotionally unsecure. And the thing is, so many of us do it. The handful of dedicated lovers. We engage in Guerilla Warfare when it comes to the pursuit of emotional happiness. Kamikaze-ing heart first into dark waters of emotion.

And what makes us different is others would just say "fuck it" and give up. But we care so much that we actually engage in countless hours of deep thought trying to balance the scales of "i'm tired of this" and "gotta keep on", usually finding extra weight to sneak onto the latter side.

Why do we do it? None of us would be able to tell you. We're lovers by occupation. We just.. do it.