You can't fake the funk.

I was talking about relationships and such, and a friend told me the most blatantly obvious, yet most eye-opening thing I've heard in awhile..

"Well, i guess you can't fake chemistry."

That is indeed the bottom line I suppose.




And then I found this Chemistry.com thing which is kinda like the Meyers-Briggs test I suppose, but in regards to intimate/romantic settings.

Hideki..., you are a

You are a highly spontaneous, inquisitive and energetic person who always likes to try new things. You find novel and unpredictable situations challenging and exciting. You particularly like discussing big ideas and having conversations about complex social, political or intellectual puzzles. And you are able to juggle a lot of projects at the same time; as a result you are sometimes a whirlwind of activity.

You have a firm grip on reality and enjoy living in the present tense. But you have a keen imagination that enables you to lift off from reality to be remarkably creative.

You are humorous. You are able to laugh at yourself. And you are agreeable, adaptable and changeable. You impose few limits on others and have little tolerance for fixed rules, schedules or traditions.

You have a deep sense of compassion. You can show genuine insight into the needs of others; you are good at listening, talking and compromising; and you express a genuine desire to be helpful to others and to the world at large.

• Novelty seeking
• Impulsive and spontaneous
• Curious
• Creative
• Flexible
• Open-minded
• Energetic

• Sees the big picture
• Imaginative
• Intuitive
• Verbal skills
• Empathetic
• Trusting
• Introspective

As an Explorer you like knowledge, adventure and the pleasures of the senses, and you are drawn to those who are enthusiastic, curious, creative and energetic-people like yourself. Sex is important to you, too. As a Negotiator, you have a big heart; you are flexible and sensitive to the feelings of others and you are driven to seek harmony in your social life. So you avoid conflict, as well as people who compete with you. You also avoid those who structure your time and block things from happening spontaneously. And you can feel pressured by other's needs. So you are attracted to individuals who share your "live and let live" attitude. Money is secondary to you, so you also respect individuals who can part with theirs, particularly when spending leads to adventure or improves the world. And you are drawn to people who are direct, decisive and tough minded to balance out your flexible, spontaneous, intuitive style.

You are charismatic, agreeable and adaptable and you can adapt to just about any social situation, convincing others you are just like them. And with your flexibility, liberal attitude and lack of prejudice, you can find something interesting in just about anyone. But when your interest wanes, you depart; you cannot tolerate boredom.

• You are so mentally flexible and spontaneous that you can appear indecisive and unpredictable.
• Don't be impatient with cautious people or those with more rigid views of morality.
• Focus on one thing at a time.

Ohhh Chemistry.com, you know me so well!




SHANK!

150 Love Letters You Were Never Meant To See

Thank you, I hate you, I'm sorry

Thank you
because without your support, I wouldn't be here
I wouldn't have stayed when things got hard
I wouldn't have believed that I could find a life.
Thank you for the way you know me,
for being my best friend for what feels like forever,
and for raising the bar so high that I don't know where to begin.
Thank you for knowing to let go before things got ugly.
On some level, you must've known that forcing me to fly
would force you to fly too, to do the things you know you need.
And maybe you even share the belief that our paths
will join us together again, and for always.

I hate you
for not wanting it badly enough,
for not believing we could do this together,
for not following through.
I hate that you didn't have the balls to take a chance,
to explore this place that's filled with your dreams.
I hate that you don't even seem to be doing
the things that made you stay.
I hate the way you tell me how you feel almost always hurts,
and that most of the time you just don't tell me at all.
I hate that you are the only girl I can imagine loving,
and you make letting go seem so easy,
like it doesn't hurt at all,
like you don't ever cry.

I'm sorry
I left the way I did,
because of what i said to you:
that I would always expect you to follow.
I'm sorry I didn't see it like that.
I thought paving the way would create
an adventure that would change our lives.
I'm sorry I didn't wait until you were ready,
that I didn't think I could, so the decision didn't feel like yours.
I'm sorry that it seemed like your opinion wasn't important,
when nothing could be farther from the truth.
I'm sorry that I doubted our future, and made you doubt it too.
I didn't know well enough myself to tell you
all the things that needed to change, and why.
We both thought we'd have more time, and then I left.
I'll always be sorry for that.

(yeah Shank, I copied you :] )

I make booty calls sound like sonnets

I came across this spoken word performance entitled "7 reasons not to date a poet". I thought it was pretty damn hilarious, being a poet myself. Don't judge me, but enjoy (:

DAMMIT! THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR NOT BLOGGING IN SO LONG

An hour later, i have the urge to blog again. I feel safer blogging what i'm feeling instead of telling someone, and this blog will explain exactly why.


So... I've had maybe 6 best friends from high school to the present. Some people prefer not to designate one best friend or whatever, spare me your preference and hear me out. Every best friend I've had has left me. Whether it be because of indifference, relationships, or straying away (i don't know how you stray away from a bestfriend), they've all left me in one way or another. I hope this doesn't sound presumptuous, but i don't think its been me thats strayed away. My friends are family to me, and i do everything i can to be good to them..

Now as of late, I've been extremely reluctant to call anyone my best friend. A concept I've tried to keep in mind is that not everyone has the same notions of friendship and life as I do, but sometimes its hard. You're in a mutual relationship in which one would expect equal reciprocation of effort and personal investment right? Well I've learned that to be wrong. And if that sounds weird to you, well, that was my understanding of what a friendship was.


And I think now, i'm hesitant to talk to people about my problems... Because i'm afraid to make personal investments in them, knowing that i'm very susceptible to being walked away from.. I'm hesitant to call anyone my bestfriend for that same reason. Regardless, I still care about certain friends more than others (fact of life, sorry.) and because of that when i see signs of them possibly straying away i get scared. Blame my low self esteem/self concept, blame my inferiority complex, whatever it is, it happens. So a look into my life, this is how I am. Love me or leave me. But if you choose to love me, please love me in full.


I used to think my parents didn't understand me. I am the black sheep of my family. I'm just different. But as I grow older, i'm slowly learning that they know me better than I think. Sometimes I'll bawl my heart out, laying in bed in my room. And my mom will just sit there with me, and she'll keep asking me to talk to her. And i won't. She'll ask me twenty times, and finally i'll be ready to talk, and she'll be there to listen.. And for that, I am eternally thankful..


I hide my feelings because of fear, but I really do want someone to listen.. I just need a different kind of care, I suppose.

How I've missed your embrace..

Oh blog, why do I always forget about you :/ I promise I love you, life just gets crazy sometimes.

Despite a fear of sounding uninterestingly familiar, I am coming back to my blog. This is where I talk about my emotions and daily interesting happenings, but I feel like they've all become the same. Recycled memories, same shit in a new stall. Then again, maybe thats why y'all love me? :]


So.. In the past 2 and a half months, I have.. Started a second job with the city of diamond bar, dated a girl, un-dated by a girl, gotten my geek on and watched a lot of anime, seen my brother who lives in Japan, started a new year, had Wii Fit tell me I'm obese, and celebrated numerous birthdays.

I'll try and update more. I want to be more helpful. I want to share experiences and insight, I'm a creative soul longing to leave my mark in this world before I die.



So at work (sushi restaurant) I have this asian lady come in with two daughters. One must have been 4 or 5, and the other 2 or 3. She looked like a single mom, although i'm not sure, and she had a speech impediment. I'm not sure, but she sounded like she might have been partially deaf or something. Anyway, I couldn't understand her well despite trying my hardest, and when she asked for a spoon and I didn't understand, her daughter told me "she wants a spoon." As she went on with her dinner, I saw her trying to feed her younger daughter while being attentive to the older one, and I could see the frustration in her face.

And I wondered.. what must it be like, to struggle to care for two daughters as a single parent. I'm sure she's greatful for the two beautiful girls she has, but i wondered if she resented them sometimes. And what would it feel like to have conflicting emotions like that. And I wondered if I would be a good dad. Or what if I had to raise my kids on my own? Would I be any good?

Although these questions are highly premature seeing as though I can't even seem to hold down a girlfriend, let alone a wife to have children with.


I think this is long enough :P

Goodnight blogworld.

Too Late to Apologize?

I hope not. Although this comes almost a month after my previous post, I apologize for my rashness and offensiveness of what I said. I know religion is important to many, and that everyone is allowed to have their own beliefs. But a majority of California voted to deny someone civil rights on Nov4 and it just killed me.


Ok, so the other day I was at this benefit art show/open mic for the Filipino Club @ my school (PASA) and homeboy brings his coworker to the show after they get off. So coworker (i forget her name) is hispanic or of some Chicana decent, and she comments "There's so many Filipinos here."

And I say to her, I'm not Filipino. And her response. The international symbol for a Chinaman. The Ching Chong eye slant. And perplexed, I say "whats that supposed to mean?" to which she replies "You all look the same."


You All Look The Same. Just like that. All of a sudden my identity is homogenous to millions of other asians. Ignant people just get me sometimes.

If God is so Great

Why does He discriminate against the LGBT community?

I have my issues with Christianity and Catholicism. The thing about it though, is you can't argue with devout Christians and Catholics against them because they're reasoning for everything is "because God yadda yadda". It's like arguing with someone who always says "Why?" You don't get anywhere.

Granted I have some great friends who are open minded, but for the most part, it would seem that people are inexcusably stubborn when it comes to religion. And its FRUSTRATING.

However, its times like these that I am grateful to be Buddhist. I have explanations for my beliefs, other than that it is the will of an almighty someone. Let the argumentation begin.