ayyye.

and thus cycles in another unruly period of malinspiration (yes i made that word up) and mundane same olds. And just as i say that, I think I really have just been too busy trying to keep busy.

Then, i guess that makes me successful in my intent, but do I really succeed? I think this LA/SoCal lifestyle makes us think we gotta do somethin'. We gotta get out and breathe as if it were to be our last.

But oh, how pleasant a day at home is. With a book or the fam, some lovely scenario and nice weather.


So I was talking about my life in general with a homegirl a couple weeks back, and she said one of the most insightful things I have heard in a while. Upon telling her what has seemed like to be social unrest and and a failing love life, she said "maybe.. you're just in the wrong place...."

Which left me confused. Girl I was born in raised in LA county, wuchu reefin' on? And she suggested that maybe I was meant to be somewhere else. Which left me conflicted. Cause I've always felt like I had somewhere else to conquer. Sometimes I felt like I didn't belong, like my heart was elsewhere.

But, I have such good friends. I love the people I'm around, and my family is here. So now I'm at this conundrum, thinking if I should be applying to jobs out-of-state and I really just don't know..

I would hate to think that my potential is sitting on the couch watchin' Family Guy all day, and it won't go get up and play with the other kids in the neighborhood cause I don't push him to...



On a lighter note. I went to a halloween party last night with some Peter, Darren, Dru, and Jaime. And I have this dope costume which i will refrain from revealing until i get pictures. But it involves painting one eye black. So I'm straight up usin' acrylic paint to paint around my eye, and my sister says "Hold on, i'll get some mascara for you."

So she goes to get the mascara and puts it down and runs off again. So what do I do? I start to put it on my eyelashes hahahahhahaha! And then she comes back and busts up and tells me i was supposed to rub it under my eye to complete the black or whatever.

How was I supposed to know what she was thinking? I know what mascara is for, she told me to use it; A+B=C holmes! But that was pretty funny.. :P

This is Ron Burgandy signing off; go fuck yourself San Diego.

A sad day in history..

Mother's Cookies, known for the infamous frosting and sprinkle coated circus animal cookies, has filed for bankruptcy ):

http://www. sfgate. com/cgi-bin/article. cgi?f=/c/a/2008/10/09/BU6413DQQO. DTL


Definately a sad day in history. First polaroid film, now circus animals.. what next? pogs?! please don't take away pogs!


What? they're already gone?

warm (not so) summer nights

First, listen to Jill Scott - Spring Summer Feeling. Then come back and read my blog. Or do it concurrently.

"Feelin' the way I do,
Its hard to keep focus.
One minute, staring at the moon
Next into your eyes.
Its no surprise, mmm, that my knees weaken
At the lovely words ya speakin'."


These warm summer nights remind me of a better time. A time when I didn't feel like everyday was a constant trial to see if I was committed to living life to the fullest. Nights like these remind me of... big chillin' with friends in front of the house till 4am. And nights spent out in the hills overlooking the city with a cup of Earl Grey and someone to share a conversation with. Jungle gyms at parks after hours.

I'm feeling better little by little. Babysteps each day. I still have yet to discover what this seemingly rehab-esque recovery is from. I think one of the most frustrating feelings is not knowing what ails you. It's right above sore triceps and not being ble to sneeze...

I think life in general is harder nowadays. There are so many social determining factors that comprise the standards that we attribute to a good quality of life. And with inflations and econonmic declines as of late, I fear the peril that will pursue the attainment of my college degree. Upon some real examination of our lives, I think you might realize we're sheltered. The belief is you go to college, attain a degree, and you enter the job market. But with how our economy is, there are definately no guarantees.

My Pops manages a warehouse in Ontario. He had to lay off more people this past month than in all 8 years he's been working there. Makes one think and partially fear who's next..

Reminder

Something I take for granted is the splendid view I have from my backyard. Today's sunset is beautiful. The warm amber sky is a reminder to me... A reminder that I'm still alive. I've been so numb lately, and then being in the presence of something so simply beatiful has reminded me... That I'm still alive.


But it's more then just literally alive. So many people are caught up on working horrible jobs that pay money, or rushing to get out of school into the "real world" where they work hard for little remuneration. All the while, they've sped past the best years of their lives only to find theres no turning back? Are you really living, if you're not living life to the fullest?

An interesting quote I read..

"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."

-St. Agustine


In class. Probably go into this later..

edit




I feel numb as of late. Hours and days drone on as if I'm waiting for something special to happen. I feel like I'm dissonant from myself, like my soul is standing behind me while my body acts in a lethargic state.

Uncertainty has been creeping up on me. My plan was always undergrad, grad, work. Now that I've put grad school on hold, I don't know where I should work, or even if I'll get work for that matter. I'm so indecisive about life...

I could be a great chef or journalist or food critic. I think I could have been great at art and photography too. I could be a great businessman. And I think I have an equal opportunity at succeeding at all. Did I pick the right profession?

The only thing I'm decisive about is the fact that I'm indecisive. Or am I.

Hm.

Thats pretty much all i can say to this.. "Hm." I dont even feel like analyzing it, along with my life. For once, I'm really just taking something at face value and enjoying it for what it is. WEIRD.




Like seriously? Was this person watching over my life?
I've gone through the first two loves.. Now I guess I have to wait on my 3rd.

You know what I miss?

How in high school, you could have those conversations till like 2 or 3 in the AM. And it was so exciting. Emotions fluttering in your stomach. Laying in bed listening to TLC or NSYNC while talkin' to that girl. And you woke up tired as fuck the next day, but it was cool cause you enjoyed the night.

Now you stay up late doing homework (not me though), or worrying about life. No one has the leisure of talking till the wee hours of the morning cause we have work or class. Life becomes hard out of nowhere, and we're submerged into adulthood without floaties. Sink or swim. Sink or swim. Sink or swim.....

I was thinking about the ideal age. I think its 6. Cause girls had cooties, you played kickball during recess with the boys, the girls did twirlsies on those bars, and at the end of the day the only thing you worried about was what toy was coming with your happy meal, and what video game you wanted to play for your hour of free time.

Now girls don't have cooties, they have our hearts, we're too mature for recess, and at the end of the day we worry about how we're going to get through the rest of the week, and whether or not we'll get an hour of free time at all.

(insert artsy picture here)

All my shit is on my laptop, which is currently out of commission.. Hopefully not indefinately :/

Comments are nice though (: eh? ehhh?