I came across this spoken word performance entitled "7 reasons not to date a poet". I thought it was pretty damn hilarious, being a poet myself. Don't judge me, but enjoy (:
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
DAMMIT! THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR NOT BLOGGING IN SO LONG
An hour later, i have the urge to blog again. I feel safer blogging what i'm feeling instead of telling someone, and this blog will explain exactly why.
So... I've had maybe 6 best friends from high school to the present. Some people prefer not to designate one best friend or whatever, spare me your preference and hear me out. Every best friend I've had has left me. Whether it be because of indifference, relationships, or straying away (i don't know how you stray away from a bestfriend), they've all left me in one way or another. I hope this doesn't sound presumptuous, but i don't think its been me thats strayed away. My friends are family to me, and i do everything i can to be good to them..
Now as of late, I've been extremely reluctant to call anyone my best friend. A concept I've tried to keep in mind is that not everyone has the same notions of friendship and life as I do, but sometimes its hard. You're in a mutual relationship in which one would expect equal reciprocation of effort and personal investment right? Well I've learned that to be wrong. And if that sounds weird to you, well, that was my understanding of what a friendship was.
And I think now, i'm hesitant to talk to people about my problems... Because i'm afraid to make personal investments in them, knowing that i'm very susceptible to being walked away from.. I'm hesitant to call anyone my bestfriend for that same reason. Regardless, I still care about certain friends more than others (fact of life, sorry.) and because of that when i see signs of them possibly straying away i get scared. Blame my low self esteem/self concept, blame my inferiority complex, whatever it is, it happens. So a look into my life, this is how I am. Love me or leave me. But if you choose to love me, please love me in full.
I used to think my parents didn't understand me. I am the black sheep of my family. I'm just different. But as I grow older, i'm slowly learning that they know me better than I think. Sometimes I'll bawl my heart out, laying in bed in my room. And my mom will just sit there with me, and she'll keep asking me to talk to her. And i won't. She'll ask me twenty times, and finally i'll be ready to talk, and she'll be there to listen.. And for that, I am eternally thankful..
I hide my feelings because of fear, but I really do want someone to listen.. I just need a different kind of care, I suppose.
So... I've had maybe 6 best friends from high school to the present. Some people prefer not to designate one best friend or whatever, spare me your preference and hear me out. Every best friend I've had has left me. Whether it be because of indifference, relationships, or straying away (i don't know how you stray away from a bestfriend), they've all left me in one way or another. I hope this doesn't sound presumptuous, but i don't think its been me thats strayed away. My friends are family to me, and i do everything i can to be good to them..
Now as of late, I've been extremely reluctant to call anyone my best friend. A concept I've tried to keep in mind is that not everyone has the same notions of friendship and life as I do, but sometimes its hard. You're in a mutual relationship in which one would expect equal reciprocation of effort and personal investment right? Well I've learned that to be wrong. And if that sounds weird to you, well, that was my understanding of what a friendship was.
And I think now, i'm hesitant to talk to people about my problems... Because i'm afraid to make personal investments in them, knowing that i'm very susceptible to being walked away from.. I'm hesitant to call anyone my bestfriend for that same reason. Regardless, I still care about certain friends more than others (fact of life, sorry.) and because of that when i see signs of them possibly straying away i get scared. Blame my low self esteem/self concept, blame my inferiority complex, whatever it is, it happens. So a look into my life, this is how I am. Love me or leave me. But if you choose to love me, please love me in full.
I used to think my parents didn't understand me. I am the black sheep of my family. I'm just different. But as I grow older, i'm slowly learning that they know me better than I think. Sometimes I'll bawl my heart out, laying in bed in my room. And my mom will just sit there with me, and she'll keep asking me to talk to her. And i won't. She'll ask me twenty times, and finally i'll be ready to talk, and she'll be there to listen.. And for that, I am eternally thankful..
I hide my feelings because of fear, but I really do want someone to listen.. I just need a different kind of care, I suppose.
How I've missed your embrace..
Oh blog, why do I always forget about you :/ I promise I love you, life just gets crazy sometimes.
Despite a fear of sounding uninterestingly familiar, I am coming back to my blog. This is where I talk about my emotions and daily interesting happenings, but I feel like they've all become the same. Recycled memories, same shit in a new stall. Then again, maybe thats why y'all love me? :]
So.. In the past 2 and a half months, I have.. Started a second job with the city of diamond bar, dated a girl, un-dated by a girl, gotten my geek on and watched a lot of anime, seen my brother who lives in Japan, started a new year, had Wii Fit tell me I'm obese, and celebrated numerous birthdays.
I'll try and update more. I want to be more helpful. I want to share experiences and insight, I'm a creative soul longing to leave my mark in this world before I die.
So at work (sushi restaurant) I have this asian lady come in with two daughters. One must have been 4 or 5, and the other 2 or 3. She looked like a single mom, although i'm not sure, and she had a speech impediment. I'm not sure, but she sounded like she might have been partially deaf or something. Anyway, I couldn't understand her well despite trying my hardest, and when she asked for a spoon and I didn't understand, her daughter told me "she wants a spoon." As she went on with her dinner, I saw her trying to feed her younger daughter while being attentive to the older one, and I could see the frustration in her face.
And I wondered.. what must it be like, to struggle to care for two daughters as a single parent. I'm sure she's greatful for the two beautiful girls she has, but i wondered if she resented them sometimes. And what would it feel like to have conflicting emotions like that. And I wondered if I would be a good dad. Or what if I had to raise my kids on my own? Would I be any good?
Although these questions are highly premature seeing as though I can't even seem to hold down a girlfriend, let alone a wife to have children with.
I think this is long enough :P
Goodnight blogworld.
Despite a fear of sounding uninterestingly familiar, I am coming back to my blog. This is where I talk about my emotions and daily interesting happenings, but I feel like they've all become the same. Recycled memories, same shit in a new stall. Then again, maybe thats why y'all love me? :]
So.. In the past 2 and a half months, I have.. Started a second job with the city of diamond bar, dated a girl, un-dated by a girl, gotten my geek on and watched a lot of anime, seen my brother who lives in Japan, started a new year, had Wii Fit tell me I'm obese, and celebrated numerous birthdays.
I'll try and update more. I want to be more helpful. I want to share experiences and insight, I'm a creative soul longing to leave my mark in this world before I die.
So at work (sushi restaurant) I have this asian lady come in with two daughters. One must have been 4 or 5, and the other 2 or 3. She looked like a single mom, although i'm not sure, and she had a speech impediment. I'm not sure, but she sounded like she might have been partially deaf or something. Anyway, I couldn't understand her well despite trying my hardest, and when she asked for a spoon and I didn't understand, her daughter told me "she wants a spoon." As she went on with her dinner, I saw her trying to feed her younger daughter while being attentive to the older one, and I could see the frustration in her face.
And I wondered.. what must it be like, to struggle to care for two daughters as a single parent. I'm sure she's greatful for the two beautiful girls she has, but i wondered if she resented them sometimes. And what would it feel like to have conflicting emotions like that. And I wondered if I would be a good dad. Or what if I had to raise my kids on my own? Would I be any good?
Although these questions are highly premature seeing as though I can't even seem to hold down a girlfriend, let alone a wife to have children with.
I think this is long enough :P
Goodnight blogworld.
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