Melancholy

This week has left me in a pensive doldrum. School has provided a modest sanctuary during the day. Seeing familiar faces has pulled its share of pulling me through till the night. Things have been so bittersweet..

One the one hand, it's been amazing. I feel like i've been in Vertigo; hanging out with her, our chemistry like we've been hanging out forever. She gets along great with my friends, we enjoy the same things..

And just like that, shes back to New York.


And then, I'm practically going through a breakup with a friend. What do you do when your friendship is being taken for granted? Tell them, would seem to be the prominent answer. Are the delicate intricacies of friendships and relationships that simple though? I know I cant just say that. Gah.

I wish I was more creative

Keeping up with posts that would actually have people interested is way harder than it may appear.



I have a random question that may never be answered:

What if we told everyone the things we truly felt? How would our relationships with other people be? How would they react? Cause sometimes I feel so inclined to do so, but I don't think many would be receptive..

Goodbye Syracuse

As I sit here fighting food coma after a heart meal from Dino BBQ (equivolent to Lucille's), I'm compelled to blog.

So I've been telling myself that I'm coming back a changed man, but I don't know if I can really be one to make that assumption about myself. But in my time away here, I would say that I engaged in some personal reflection; some if it uninentional, some unexpected. And a couple things that I've realized..



-I'm Hapa. A quick history for those that don't know, "Hapa haole" is a hawaiian termed used to identify someone who is half white and half hawaiian, a slur if you will. Now Hapa is a term embraced by the community to denote someone half asian. Some of the more famous hapas you might know are Kristin Kreuk, Amerie, Tyson Beckford, Keanu Reaves, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

And now I know you're thinking, "But you're not half white Hideki. What are you talking about?"

But I'm Japanese and Thai, with a hint of Chinese. The number one and two guesses I get when people are trying to figure out "what are you?" are 1) Filipino and 2) Samoan/Hawaiian. This is of course only if people have not already assumed that I am Filipino (despite the Japanese name). And with fear of boring and driving away the few readers I have, I'll stop there and say that if anyone would like to discuss this further I am definately open.



-I don't think I'm ready for Graduate school. Being away like this, fighting the horrid feeling of being homesick along with other problems that have troubled me emotionally, I don't know if I would be able to handle these things while objectively finishing my work without sacraficing quality. Because I've experienced a couple instances already where the previous scenario has happened.

This is pretty big for me because I had everything laid out. Get my bachelors, go straight for my masters, and work. Now I'm not sure where my future lies. The uncertainty is frightening, but such is the ambiguity of life.




Well. I'll be back in L dot A dot Californ-i-a hot tomorrow night. And I am coming back a changed man, physically and mentally. And I now bid you goodnight.