Goodbye Syracuse

As I sit here fighting food coma after a heart meal from Dino BBQ (equivolent to Lucille's), I'm compelled to blog.

So I've been telling myself that I'm coming back a changed man, but I don't know if I can really be one to make that assumption about myself. But in my time away here, I would say that I engaged in some personal reflection; some if it uninentional, some unexpected. And a couple things that I've realized..



-I'm Hapa. A quick history for those that don't know, "Hapa haole" is a hawaiian termed used to identify someone who is half white and half hawaiian, a slur if you will. Now Hapa is a term embraced by the community to denote someone half asian. Some of the more famous hapas you might know are Kristin Kreuk, Amerie, Tyson Beckford, Keanu Reaves, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

And now I know you're thinking, "But you're not half white Hideki. What are you talking about?"

But I'm Japanese and Thai, with a hint of Chinese. The number one and two guesses I get when people are trying to figure out "what are you?" are 1) Filipino and 2) Samoan/Hawaiian. This is of course only if people have not already assumed that I am Filipino (despite the Japanese name). And with fear of boring and driving away the few readers I have, I'll stop there and say that if anyone would like to discuss this further I am definately open.



-I don't think I'm ready for Graduate school. Being away like this, fighting the horrid feeling of being homesick along with other problems that have troubled me emotionally, I don't know if I would be able to handle these things while objectively finishing my work without sacraficing quality. Because I've experienced a couple instances already where the previous scenario has happened.

This is pretty big for me because I had everything laid out. Get my bachelors, go straight for my masters, and work. Now I'm not sure where my future lies. The uncertainty is frightening, but such is the ambiguity of life.




Well. I'll be back in L dot A dot Californ-i-a hot tomorrow night. And I am coming back a changed man, physically and mentally. And I now bid you goodnight.