Tell Me Who I Have To Be

To get some reciprocity
See no ones loved you more than me
And no one ever will.

-Lauryn Hill



Granted this song is meant for an intimate love, but I relate to it on a family type love level. I give too much of my soul. I need to just take a break from life. I think im gonna go into detail in a private blog..

Random Thoughts

I think I'm gonna start a collection of just random thoughts. Cause sometimes I have these one-liners that would be great for poems, but my ADHD kicks in and I want to do something else.

Today my one liner was "I want to say hi to you, but my dignity tells me I shouldn't." Maybe I'm just learning to think and speak like an author? Book coming soon? Sike.

So I was hanging out with Val on Saturday, and we were talking about those critical life topics that not many really sit down and discuss. Like we were talking about friendships, and how people just stop keeping in touch that used to be real good friends, or they just fade away as your good friends.

When I think about the people in my life who fall under this category, the main thought that comes to mind is "how?"

How did we end up like this
How could you just throw our friendship away like that.


Sleepy. I'mma edit this later.

Sooo I haven't slept yet.

Tonight was interesting. Hung out at Plush in Downtown Fullerton with my high school senior prom date and current Mavyn superstar, Valerie Albania (how ya like that intro? :P) That was fun. Val got buzzed, and I've never seen her buzzed before. Then I went to a shindig at a friend's house. And one of my boys that I rolled with got his phone jacked from homegirls purse. At a shindig. RIDICULOUS.

What the hell is wrong with people? How do you go into a lady's purse and jack something from it. I often take for granted the good morals and ethics my parents taught me; it's just hard sometimes to really believe that others aren't brought up with a good head on their shoulders.



Anyway. Something I wanted to highlight is this movie out right now called Planet B-Boy. This movie highlights the element of B-boying from all over the world. It has a big stress on bboying from Korea and Japan too, because within the short amount of time that they've been exposed to the culture, their increase in skill and acknowledgement has been phenomenal. So off the bat, if you know me well, you'll know that two reasons why I love this movie because it combines Hip Hop culture and Asian/Asian American prowress. But on the real, if you love watching bboys, then you should check the movie out. I'll post a clip here, more can be found on youtube

Now you apologize; thats what they all say

You wasn't sorry when you sucked him off in the hallway


But have it your way, raw no foreplay





Madvillain - Fancy Clown











So this post is just a vent. And to give y'all a look a little deeper into my life.

Yeah, I bought those for you. I also purchased investment into the idea that maybe you weren't who I thought you were. An investment I have since forclosed on. Fuck it. I'm turning this into a poem.

Yo, I thought you was down and a real steal
Straight surpassed the whole fancy clown deal
I was so close to tellin' you how i really feel
I'd still kill to sit you down while i spill out my thoughts
But i'm reduced to typings words in this electric box.

So what are my thoughts?
I had my preconceptions of you in my hindsight
But i took a chance and thought to look at you in a different light.
Cause I get girls thinkin' I get mad play despite
The fact that I end up alone in bed at the end of the night.
So quite contrary to what i might have thought
I gave you a chance to win a spot in my heart
I gave you the flint to start a spark to embark
On this journey of chillin at parks and adventures after dark
And mark my word I ain't talkin' 'bout sex.
I'm talkin' intellectual escapades and strawberry lemonade
I'm talkin' conversing for hours feelin' like i've known you for decades
I'm talkin' My Love is King and you're Sweet as Tabou like Sade
I'm talkin' making life so colorful cause life is boring in 8 shades of grey
I'm talkin' hittin' up the club and straight bustin' the Kid 'n' Play

Now here things are your way
And we're two separate entities goin' our own ways
Graze in patches of life that satisfy separate craves
Spend days in a daze so crazy insane
It amazes me that that's what we're reduced too
Imagine what could have happened if you had given me a mintue or two.

Lets stop the talking

Cause it's feelin' like an interview
I know you're into me so,
Let me get into you

Talib Kweli - In The Mood



I woke up this morning at 11AM and I felt like throwing up. So i went back to sleep. And I didn't drink thaaaaaaat much last night, so i was wondering if it was a hangover. Oh the little mysteries that make up my day.


Todayyyy, I'm eating at the boiling crab with some of the Fullerton cats. I've been kinda living a lifestyle i can't support lately though. I'll go to bars, buy drinks for friends and whatnot, go out to eat, et cetera. And my mom is always like "You don't have to buy things for your friends, cause good friends will care about you regardless." And I know that, but I don't know... Just the nature of my heart, I like buying things for other people. My only problem is I feel like recriprocity is a natural value, but it's not.

I think too often we tend to impose our beliefs on others and expect some kind of exchange, but it's not always the case. When this doesn't happen, we're confused about why we end up being "short changed", if you will. But techincally, you're not being short changed, you're just being more generous than you thought others would be.

Ya digg?


Time to shower. and maybe yak. I kinda feel sick again.. Sooo confusing!!! o_O