Reminder

Something I take for granted is the splendid view I have from my backyard. Today's sunset is beautiful. The warm amber sky is a reminder to me... A reminder that I'm still alive. I've been so numb lately, and then being in the presence of something so simply beatiful has reminded me... That I'm still alive.


But it's more then just literally alive. So many people are caught up on working horrible jobs that pay money, or rushing to get out of school into the "real world" where they work hard for little remuneration. All the while, they've sped past the best years of their lives only to find theres no turning back? Are you really living, if you're not living life to the fullest?

An interesting quote I read..

"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."

-St. Agustine


In class. Probably go into this later..

edit




I feel numb as of late. Hours and days drone on as if I'm waiting for something special to happen. I feel like I'm dissonant from myself, like my soul is standing behind me while my body acts in a lethargic state.

Uncertainty has been creeping up on me. My plan was always undergrad, grad, work. Now that I've put grad school on hold, I don't know where I should work, or even if I'll get work for that matter. I'm so indecisive about life...

I could be a great chef or journalist or food critic. I think I could have been great at art and photography too. I could be a great businessman. And I think I have an equal opportunity at succeeding at all. Did I pick the right profession?

The only thing I'm decisive about is the fact that I'm indecisive. Or am I.

Hm.

Thats pretty much all i can say to this.. "Hm." I dont even feel like analyzing it, along with my life. For once, I'm really just taking something at face value and enjoying it for what it is. WEIRD.




Like seriously? Was this person watching over my life?
I've gone through the first two loves.. Now I guess I have to wait on my 3rd.

You know what I miss?

How in high school, you could have those conversations till like 2 or 3 in the AM. And it was so exciting. Emotions fluttering in your stomach. Laying in bed listening to TLC or NSYNC while talkin' to that girl. And you woke up tired as fuck the next day, but it was cool cause you enjoyed the night.

Now you stay up late doing homework (not me though), or worrying about life. No one has the leisure of talking till the wee hours of the morning cause we have work or class. Life becomes hard out of nowhere, and we're submerged into adulthood without floaties. Sink or swim. Sink or swim. Sink or swim.....

I was thinking about the ideal age. I think its 6. Cause girls had cooties, you played kickball during recess with the boys, the girls did twirlsies on those bars, and at the end of the day the only thing you worried about was what toy was coming with your happy meal, and what video game you wanted to play for your hour of free time.

Now girls don't have cooties, they have our hearts, we're too mature for recess, and at the end of the day we worry about how we're going to get through the rest of the week, and whether or not we'll get an hour of free time at all.

(insert artsy picture here)

All my shit is on my laptop, which is currently out of commission.. Hopefully not indefinately :/

Comments are nice though (: eh? ehhh?

Good Help

Is hard to come across -__-

rebel S0ULJAH (2:24:52 AM): what should i blog about.
KeithSAMS0N (2:24:58 AM): potatoes
rebel S0ULJAH (2:25:02 AM): ...
KeithSAMS0N (2:25:09 AM): I dunno, first thing that popped in my head
KeithSAMS0N (2:25:54 AM): which is pretty random because there's nothing around me that would make me think of potatoes
rebel S0ULJAH (2:26:07 AM): im blogging about you.
KeithSAMS0N (2:26:43 AM): really?
KeithSAMS0N (2:26:46 AM): that's a gay subject
rebel S0ULJAH (2:26:53 AM): literally

What a night of random.

rachelmasocol (2:29:40 AM): you are a natural intellectual (about relationships)

eh?

So, like an idiot. I failed to zip up my laptop pocket on my backpack and upon putting it on, i managed to throw the laptop out the backpack. And now Maxine won't boot ): I've never backed her up, so if I lose all my shit... OMG :/

What idiot drops an effing laptop? Honestly!

I know I'm the type to always have a smile on my face, but I think I'm allowed to be down sometimes too. Pleaaaase don't tell me to stop being sad. Just be there. When I've processed everything and I'm ready to stop being sad, I will. Thanks (:

Critical life decisions to make... Ohh the pressure.

From the very first time

I placed my eyes on you girl
My heart said "follow through"

But I know now that
I'm Way down your line
But the waiting here is fine.

So don't treat me like
A puppet on a string
Cause I know how to do my thing

Don't talk to me as
If you think I'm dumb
I wanna know
When you're gonna come


I don't wanna wait in vain for your love..

Cold Sheets

Lately.. My bed feels so empty. Granted I'm the only person that sleeps in it. But, I dunno.. I just feel like I miss having someone in my arms. Even though its been a while since I've had someone in my arms hahah. I dont know how to explain this.. Bah.





Adieu.

Chasing Pavements..

Sorry about my unannounced hiatus everyone. Todays topic is chasing pavements. A wonderful song from UK's Adele, which i've interpreted to be a song about the infamous question of "should I continue to pursue that someone even if it feels like its futile?"

Chasing pavements.. clever. Pursuing a path thats physically concrete, but emotionally unsecure. And the thing is, so many of us do it. The handful of dedicated lovers. We engage in Guerilla Warfare when it comes to the pursuit of emotional happiness. Kamikaze-ing heart first into dark waters of emotion.

And what makes us different is others would just say "fuck it" and give up. But we care so much that we actually engage in countless hours of deep thought trying to balance the scales of "i'm tired of this" and "gotta keep on", usually finding extra weight to sneak onto the latter side.

Why do we do it? None of us would be able to tell you. We're lovers by occupation. We just.. do it.