And i forgot it -___- Got caught up watching the season finale of Real World.
Via a vent session with Stay Fun Knee, I got into talking about friendships.
Friendships are fascinating. My biggest observation over the years has been that a solid chunk of these friendships, relationships, and all those other ships, are based on convenience.
And I'm continually astonished by the ease in which kinship can be so easily forgotten. How can a bond of memories, experiences, and similarities be thrown out with the junk mail in an instant?
Here's the thing. So everyone has different interpretations of "friendship." And not everybody's conceptions are the same, but we always tend to hold our own beliefs as the norm(such an American ego-centric concept) and end up confused when others don't reflect our views.
If you're my good friend, and we hang out or talk at least once a week, and things just stop for no reason, I see that as a failure. I feel like I have failed to uphold my friendship duties and my hands are tired of holding on to something I just can't grasp anymore.
And I've confronted some previously close friends about the deconstruction of such a great friendship, and the response that i find oddly peculiar, is that:
"things just got busy with our lives. but just because we dont talk as often doesn't mean we aren't good friends."
I don't know. I kinda feel it is. I mean, our friendship will always have those special moments, but you mean to tell me that good friendships can be maintained with a casual quarter yearly check up? That doesn't sit right with me.
So what does this mean? Do I need to change my notions of friendship to resonate with the majority? Or do I continue to follow my antic perceptions and expectations? What's the balance between the two?
Stuff to sleep on, I suppose.
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4 comments:
Deja vu. I feel like I saw this exact same topic, with you saying the same things before. Am I nutters? I kind of feel like there's not enough time in the day to maintain close friendships with a lot of people, unless you're like the "Friends" and you only hang out with all those people all the time.
well anounymous. it doesn't have to be a daily routine, perse. And i'm not expecting this of all my friends, but I'm talking about those (supposed) really good friends, that sacred close knit of near family.
I've found that the majority of close knit friends I've made tend to fade away because of my physical presence being gone. After high school, the one friend who used to talk about us moving in together and traveling to New York and other places became distant. I would call and leave messages, and get nothing back...even when I called him on his birthday he never bothered to return the favor...some friend.
Once I graduated from college, the people I cared for most seemed to be busy still in school and with each other that I couldn't find a way back "in." Of course, my lack of driving plays a part in this, but I would hope that those who really know me realize I will find a way to them because I care for them so much.
This doesn't mean I've lost all contact or friendships, but some are not as solid as I would like them to be. Perhaps another wrench in the wheel is the fact that so many of the friends I love are a couple or few years younger and are/were still in college together or living with one another when I "left." Being in school really helps to keep folks together and allows them to plan fun times with one another.
If I'm being brutally honest, graduating sucked because I knew I would be missing out on the inside jokes and daily good times I had always cherished. I really went through a bit of a depression once I decided not to complete my credential program and faced the finality of being an alumni instead of a student.
And, truthfully, it saddens me sometimes to look at my friends' MySpace and Facebook pages because I see all the photos of them having so much fun together knowing I am no longer a part of that. I realize this sounds like a pity party, but I can't help the way I feel. Don't get me wrong, I WANT them to have good, fun lives but it still hurts a bit. Sometimes, distance and work and school just get in the way of me trying to maintain the friendships I love, but that doesn't mean I don't try or cherish them.
You have a right to your opinion, Hideki, but you also have to remember what Plato said, "Everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." Just because a friend isn't able to hang out with you or talk to you personally as often as they want doesn't mean they consider your friendship a failure. We all have our own daily battles to fight: work, family, school, illness, death, and so on. These consume us and can really be a time suck; just know that the ones who really care will never be afraid to tell you so.
The one thing that gets me through the days without seeing the friends I love is that they know, in their hearts, that I will always care about them. A long time ago, I learned to share my true feelings whenever possible with those I cherish and in every birthday card or MySpace comment I try to do so. I couldn't bare to leave this earth tomorrow knowing I could have said "I love you" today.
So, I guess it's time to end this involved comment. But not before I say to you, Hideki, I love you.
~Rachael~
this is by far my favorite blog entry.
the bold quote hit home.
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