I'm giving you the time to be alone.
Az Yet - I Don't Wanna Be Lonely
How many people said "Oh shit. That was the jam.." just right now? eh? eh?
Btw, you should be able to make comments on my blogs anounymously. just leave a name at the end if you'd like :)
So i'm using the lyrics above ^ in a different context. I feel like I'm leaving my life to find myself almost. Here I am, 24hrs before I leave to NY for a few months, and its just hitting me right now. I havent started packing and I'm having a quasi mini panic attack.
I'm leaving for 2 months. The longest I've been away from my family has been 6 days. The longest I've been away with my family is 2 weeks. I'm leaving for 2 MONTHS. (Sidebar, with my ADHD, i just went to dictionary.com to make sure i used "quasi" in the right context and ended up signing up to get a word-of-the-day emailed to me. wow.)
Ok, i'm leaving for 2 months. And theres so much i'm thinking about. I get homesick :/ And, I'm missing some of my best friend's graduations. Peter, Keith, Joanna, Laura. They've worked for and achieved so much, and I cant even celebrate their accomplishments with them.
And I also just feel like theres gonna be so much this summer that I'm gonna miss out on. So many more inside jokes that I won't be involved with. And it kills me to think theres a prospect of drifting further away from my friends.
And I'm nervous about what i'll be doing with my internship. Working in a Multicultural Affairs Department in a school thats 80% Caucasian. Does it really make in an impact? Or is my work just gonna be token multicultural work so that the Institution saves face and wont be labeled as racist. Which then makes me turn on the existential vacuum, and then I start to question the nature of my work and future profession. And i think "it's kinda hard to keep faith in the things that you do, when everybody turns their back on you." (Talib Kweli - The Nature)
And then people tell me that I'm thinking too much. Which sounds pretty accurate. And someone told me I'm too busy worrying about others, and that I need to just need to care about myself more. Which kinda sounds true too. I care too much; my Shakespearean tragic flaw.
And the fact is, my flight leaves Thursday, June 12 at 9:20PM from Ontario Airport. And I will then be on a 9hr journey to the booney-ish upstate New York city known as Syracuse. So farewell Life as I know it, I'll see you in a couple months. I will come back a changed man, and I hope that 1) It will be fore the better, and 2) It will be for the better.
Congratulations Peter and Keith. You guys are family, and I could not be prouder. My brothers, close enough to be blood. We'll party it up when I get back.
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2 comments:
word brotha, i just like to make u feel bad cuz im a lil gay on the inside that's all. thanks for the blessings and i know u'll be there with me when i walk on that glorious day (no homo). im proud of what u've accomplished too, best of luck in NY and all for the best from me and all ur brothas back home. hurry home mang, we're all waiting already. no goodbyes, too sad. i rather just see u later, hah
hope you find what you're looking for and come back a little bit older, a little bit wiser. You shouldn't be worrying about anything, you've always said you wanted to move out, here's your chance to show mom and dad what you've got. If I can do it for 1.5 years and counting in a different country, you can handle it on the east coast for two months. Give it your all and show them and us what you've got.
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